First Attempt Translation: Poetry/Song Lyrics

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First Attempt Translation: Poetry/Song Lyrics

Unread postby Najaya Ka'ra » 27 Jul 2017 14:24

So to help me learn Mando'a I decided to try my hand at writing some short and mildly repetitive- in this case song lyrics- to stimulate my learning experience. I learn faster by writing. Anyway, I noticed that there were no lullaby-styled songs in Mando'a (as far as I could see, I didn't think to look for poetry for some reason) so I decided to make some of my own. In this instance the song is tailored toward a child afraid of a bad storm, but it also can reflect on the "bad weather" that comes throughout life. The first part is my English version, the second my attempt at translating into Mando'a.

What I'm looking for is critique on the translation in general (most important priority) and an opinion on how this would relate to Mandalorian cultural accuracy. Please be honest; I'm used to constructive criticism and won't take anything personally! Thanks!

Stura Yiatr (The Weeping Sky)

Easy...

Easy...

It's gonna be okay...

Don't fear the lightning
Because it's just the sky hurting
I'll stay here beside you
Until night turns to day

The fire will warm you
Burn you and guide you
In the pain is peace
And in the storm is calm

Don't fear the thunder
Because it's just the sky shouting
I'll be here beside you
As through the years you grow

The water will cleanse you
Chill you and carry you
Though the current is strong
It can be wild then slow

Don't fear the rain
Because it's just the sky weeping
And know I'll never leave you
Wherever you go

And Don't fear the darkness
Because the stars always shine
And Don't fear the journey
It's how you live your life

Just remember I'll be there
And I'll guide you
Even if I'm far away
I'm with you to stay

So don't fear the the lightning
It's just the sky hurting
Don't fear the thunder
It's just the sky shouting

And don't fear the rain
The sky's weeping with you


Mando'a:

Udesiir...

Udesiir...

Suba era olyay cu'u...

Gara va chaab getsr
Yiatr kadala
Ni dabay temya'r gar
Akay ca nanu'a tuur

Tracyn malyasa'yr jarsida
Hettir bal hbina gar
O'r aaray olyay naak
O'r buurenaar olyay udesla

Gara va chaab orar
Yiatr orjorere
Ni malyasa'yr cuyir olar juaan gar
Vaal gar drashaar laam

Pirun cinarin
Katbarsida bal jorir gar
Ba'hak gter dral
Liser suba tubaoe miak katrakine

Gara va chaab pitat
Yiatr stura
Kart'aylir ni malyasa'yr draar daira
Biu apd gar slanar

Gara va chaab werda
Tyatr ratiin crita
Gara va chaab jupaor
Biasa'iaru gar oyacyir jibr

Partaylir ni olya ogir
Ni dabay hbinilyr gar
O' meh ni olya echoy'la
Ni cuyir ratiin ti gar

Gara va chaab getsyr
Yiatr kadala
Gara va chaab orar
Yiatr orjorere

Gara va pitat
Yiatr stura ti gar
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Najaya Ka'ra
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Re: First Attempt Translation: Poetry/Song Lyrics

Unread postby Vlet Hansen » 31 Jul 2017 14:28

I honestly don't recognize most of these words, so it's hard for me to offer much help here. The one thing I noticed on a cursory examination was "orjorere," try just "orjore" or "orjor" istead, the final r is the part that gets dropped for what you want.
Shi adate kotep luubid...
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Re: First Attempt Translation: Poetry/Song Lyrics

Unread postby Najaya Ka'ra » 31 Jul 2017 16:28

Okay, thank you. I had a feeling that that word was incorrect but wasn't sure; I'll wait a bit for more replies before I do any serious editing :)
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