Buir rejorhaa’i | My mother told me (feedback?)

[sho’woor]

A Mando’a translation of the song “My mother told me”. The translation mostly follows the popular English version, with a few nods to the original Old Norse. Comments, corrections, suggestions, crimes against the manda? I’m definitely not happy with the second stanza, but I’ve run out of ideas for now so I figured I’d ask for feedback on what I’ve got so far.


Buir rejorhaa’i
Ven’tuur ni verbori
Me’sen ti jate gota
Slana at chaaj’la kara.

Kandosii verd moti
Dral can’gal marekari
Dajuna at morut
Hokan’yc ner aru’e.

My parent told me
Someday I would buy
A starship with a good engine
Go to distant stars.

Indomitable warrior stands
The shining star fighter steers
A course to the haven
Hewn down is my enemy.



Here’s a breakdown, line by line. First line is Mando’a, second Mando’a pronunciation for rhythm (courtesy of mandoa.org), third literal English translation, fourth free English translation.

Buir rejorhaa’i
boo-EER ree-JOR-har-EE
Parent tells
My parent told me

Ven’tuur ni verbori
vehn’TOOR nee VAIR-bor-EE
Future-day I buy
Someday I would buy

Me’sen ti jate gota
MAY-sen tee JAH-tay GOH-tah
Starship with good machine[1]
A starship with a good engine

Slana at chaaj’la kara
SLAH-na aht CHAHJ-la KAH-rah
Go to distance-adjective stars
Go to distant stars

Kandosii verd moti[2]
kahn-DOH-see VERD moh-TEE
Indomitable warrior stand
Indomitable warrior stands

Dral can’gal marekari[3]
draal CAHN-gahl mah-RAY-kar-EE
Bright star fighter navigate
A shining star fighter steers

Dajuna at morut[4]
dah-JOO-nah AHT moh-ROOT
plot towards haven
A course to the haven

Hokan’yc ner aru’e[5]
hoh-KAH-neesh NAIR a-ROO-ay
Sliced up my enemy
Hewn down is my enemy



[1] Literally “machine” but same root as in “engineer”
[2] Wayii, this line fought me. Still not happy with it, but at this point I suspect I’ll have to rewrite the whole second stanza before it works.
[3] Messing with word order here a bit. It’s poetry though and I figure it’s pretty understandable still? “Marekar” is navigation, so “marekarir” would be to navigate I think.
[4] “Dajunar” means to plot/plan. I came up with several ways to say “to set a course to” which I liked better than this, but none of them fit the metre.
[5] In passive voice this should be “ibic hokan’yc” I guess. Even better, it probably should be in an active voice, but I’m trying to imply a sense of completion here. And let’s face it: who else would cut down a mando’ad’s enemies but the mando’ad him/herself.

[Tra'nau]

Great translation! I have a few minor corrections- rather then ‘dajuna at morut’ I would say ‘dajun at morut’- ‘a plan towards sanctuary’ rather than something closer to ‘planning towards sanctuary’. The only other thing (though it may be more stylistic) would be to alter the last line ‘hokan’yc ner aru’e’- the poetic word order was a bit harder for me to understand at first. I would recommend changing it so something like ‘ner aru’e hokan’yc’ or ‘aru’e hokan’yc’ for ‘my enemy destroyed’.

[Vlet Hansen]

Don't forget that you can drop or extend the occasional syllable to better suit your meter, I think it might help the flow in the first few lines.