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Feedback on a short translation (and advice on translating 'stand against')

Posted: 11 Aug 2021 01:21
by ca'tra
Attempting to translate the following:

If they stand behind you, give them protection.
If they stand beside you, give them respect.
If they stand in front of you, watch their back.
If they stand against you, show them no mercy.


This is what I've got:
Meh val moti nor'vaii gar, cabuo val
Meh val moti juann gar, kandi val
Meh val moti troan'vai gar, hukaati val
Meh val moti --- gar, tengaana val naas kar'galan.

Could use some feedback and also advice on how to translate "stand against".

I found the derived word, asheso'la - opposite, contrary (adjective), and wondered if that could be massaged into a verb. If an adjective is formed by adding -la, how would you derive the verb from this word? Would it be something like 'ashesor' for "to oppose"?

Could I use "aru'ela bah" for "hostile to"?

I'm sure there's a better suggestion, and I'd love to hear it (as well as any improvements to the rest of my attempt).

Re: Feedback on a short translation (and advice on translating 'stand against')

Posted: 14 Aug 2021 22:52
by Vlet Hansen
I'd use eso instead of vaii, but it's more of a personal choice.

On the last statement, I feel like it's a good candidate for using adenn, but you'd need to change the wording slightly.

For against, I think using ara'novor might be a useful starting point. Ashesor isn't a bad idea, though.

Aru'ela bah seems to be a decent way to say hostile to, in my mind. You're right, there's probably a better way, but I don't know one off the top of my head.

Re: Feedback on a short translation (and advice on translating 'stand against')

Posted: 15 Aug 2021 14:49
by ca'tra
Ori'vor'e Vlet, I appreciate the feedback!

The last line's the one giving me the most trouble, of course. Even though Mando'a tends to be far more practical than poetic (at least in general), I'd like to stick to the same format for all four lines, if possible, which is why I'm trying to stick to the construction "motir" [position] followed by "[verb] val" (rather than, for example "Meh val [asheso/ara'novo] gar...". I might have to reassess that in the interests of clarity, but perhaps this might be an acceptable workaround?

Meh val moti norac'eso gar, cabuo val
Meh val moti juann gar, kandi val
Meh val moti troan'eso gar, hukaati val
Meh val moti aru'ela bah gar, naasta val adenn'yc

Re: Feedback on a short translation (and advice on translating 'stand against')

Posted: 15 Aug 2021 16:43
by Vlet Hansen
It certainly works as a functional draft, at least. Sometimes that's just the life, when it comes to working in Mando'a. The only thing I ever wrote in it that I thought worked almost poetically, I wrote in Mando'a from the ground up.